I really hate to be a sour puss……so i guess i can speak on the few good things that have happened this summer.
All of this alone time I’ve been having has really given alot of time to look at myself. Ive gotten the chance to tap into myself and who I am and what I want and where I want to go in life. Ive had to look at some of my inner demons. And yes I’ve spent plenty of nights up wide awake tears streaming down my face wondering why I’ve been through some of the things I went through or why things went the way they did. But it wasnt in vain.
I know who i am. I know sometimes my heart and my care and my imagination sometimes may be too big for the world to handle. I know sometimes i care too much. I know sometimes I’m awkward. I know sometimes I can be a diva. I know sometimes I hard to deal with. I know sometimes I can be a hard headed son-of-a-gun. But its who I am. There’s no way around it. I do my best to handle my shortcomings with care…but sometimes they slip. But I’m only human.
I know I want to make a difference in the lives of kids. I want to be the role model that some kids lack. I want them to be able to come to me if there is a problem that they may not be comfortable talking to other people about. I want to show them its okay to be different and dream big and not let anybody shoot down their dreams. I want them to know its okay to be awkward….sometimes those end up being the coolest people. I want to be able to teach them things that I wish I knew when i was a kid. I want to be more than an educator, I want to be a positive moving role model in some kids life. One day I want a kid to say “my teacher Miss/Ms/Mrs. Veronica was such a positive influence on my life” I want to be the person that may be the difference between a kid going down the wrong route and the right one.
I know i want to give somebody the world one day. I know some may say my ever giving heart may be the downfall of me one day, but i beg to differ. I know I may not be a supermodel. Im not the thickest chick. Im not the skinny minnie either. Im no gorgeous babe. But i KNOW what I lack in beauty i make up for in Heart. I may not ever be the richest girl in the world. I may not have all the money and such but i promise that I always will and have an endless amount of love to give to whoever needs it. It’s gotten me hurt in the past before plenty of times (not just in relationships but in friendships as well). But I’ve learned from it. And for some odd reason it hasn’t stopped me. One day….some lucky guy…i dont know who…is gonna have the world in his hands. Maybe not the material. But i know one thing he will NEVER run out of is Love. As long as he is mine and real and faithful and honest….he will NEVER EVER run out of my love. I won’t be able to give him a perfect relationship cuz Im FAR from a perfect girl…..But Lord knows I will do my best. I want to have a family someday. 2,3,4 kids. Something I can be proud of….Something I can show and say….”You go Veronica. You’ve done right” I know it wont be perfect. And i know some days will be hard……but its what I want.
And this is only the icing on the cake of some of the crazy big ideas and dreams I have…..I know it seems crazy…and to some impossible. But I belive I can do the impossible. For I have made it through and conquered obsticles I shouldn’t. So why the heck would I let somebody tell me I can’t conquer something as simple as my dreams?
“A new study shows that young black people are considerably less likely to use and abuse drugs than whites — less than any other group other than Asians, in fact — yet they are ten times more likely to be arrested for it.”—Ed Brayton, Dispatches from the Culture Wars (via socialuprooting)